so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
