Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Also, beer. Big fan.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
