I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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