I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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