i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
