Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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