And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
