if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
