found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
