Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
