I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
