I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
