My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
