woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
