No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize