Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
