I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
