You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
