She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
