I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I love you. Go after that dick
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
