help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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