My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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