If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
