areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
