She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
