My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
