i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Text me some of your sweat
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
