omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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