There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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