I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
