i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
