dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
