they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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