if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
