I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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