Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
