So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
