You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
