she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
