I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
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And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
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I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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