That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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