Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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