last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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