Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
