it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
love makes seman taste better
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
