drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
