I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
