I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
