my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Be still, my beating vagina.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
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