I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
