At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I need to stop coming to work sober
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
