i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
