Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
