I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
