there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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