He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The Olympian is in my bed
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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