There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
