I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
