Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
