just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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