Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
