Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
